What are some of the traits to have when it comes to picturing Success? What are the driving forces?

Read and find out;

Optimistic.

People who have achieved success in life tend to be optimistic.  They are far more likely to be heard talking about solutions than problems, whether in their business or personal lives, and they don’t dwell on past failures but focus on future opportunities.

Passionate.

Successful people look forward to doing whatever it is that they do.  While they’re excited about weekends with the family or vacations away, they aren’t the ones dreading Monday morning.  They have passion for work and for life, and if they find themselves doing something they dread, they won’t do it for long.  Instead they’ll find an alternative that drives them and inspires them.

Persistent.

Those who have found true success have done so through persistence and tenacity.  Successful people don’t have fewer obstacles than those who have not experienced success.  They just keep going even after the obstacles come up.  They deal with challenges and move on, learning as they go.  They feel sick at even the thought of giving up just before a successful breakthrough.  And because of their passion, persistence doesn’t feel like a chore – it’s fun!

Flexible.

Being able to change course when necessary contributes to success in big ways.  While successful people follow plans, they know that the unexpected will arise, and when it does they’re willing and able to adapt as needed and turn change into opportunity.  They don’t wish for the good old days – they relish progress and go with the flow. (Or they change the flow they don’t like!)

Focused.

People who have experienced success in their business and personal lives have done so in part because they’ve been focused on success.  But more importantly, they’re focused on the long-term.  From managing personal finances to running companies, these people know that sacrificing now can pay off big in the future.  Successful people understand that while short-term victories are critical, they are only so important because they contribute to long-term success.  So they are not easily distracted by the lure of making a quick buck – or by the pretty secretary in the next office.

Altruistic.

Contrary to the stories of greed and gluttony you sometimes hear about in the corporate world, politics, and elsewhere, truly successful people tend to be unselfish and often philanthropic.  That doesn’t mean they’re pushovers, but they are concerned about people and about contributing to the greater good.  In fact many of the most successful people in the world, both financially and personally, have found their true passions in helping and giving, more than in selfish pursuits.

 

Advertisements

We are going to look at some of the points we need to very well understand for us to be successful;

  1. Know How To Be Happy: If you don’t know the ingredients of a complicated recipe, I’d suggest that you find them before you start cracking open eggs.  If you are unable to be happy right where you are (not necessarily satisfied, but happy), than you will have a hard time reaching your goals.  Distraction is one of our greatest deterrents to success and few things take away our focus more than being unhappy.
  2. Know How To Motivate Yourself: No one is going to push you harder or more effectively than yourself.  It is up to us to light our own internal fires and push ahead with vigor.  We need to know the ins and outs of our deepest desires, the triggers to our forward motion.  Dreams are made and goals are set, but with out proper self-motivation, we’re dead in the water.
  3. Know how to love and be loved: We assume that because we have feelings, we know how to enjoy a healthy relationship, but anyone who has enjoyed a successful one, knows it’s a lot of hard work.  If we are unable to enjoy those around us, how can we consider ourselves a success.  There are many millionaire misers out there who are no more successful than a homeless person sleeping on the streets.
  4. Know that the steps to success come one at a time: In this hectic 21st century society, it is so easy to be deceived into thinking that taking on the World has to happen all at once.  The fact is, this mentality does nothing more than overload us with busyness.  To be successful we need to be efficient in our pursuit of goals and a deluge of to-dos is not going to get us there.
  5. Know the value of JUST ENOUGH: John never knew exactly what he wanted.  All he knew was that he never had it.  Bill, on the other hand, always new his sweet spot in life and rarely wandered far from this place.  Being successful in life isn’t about how much we have, but how close we are to having JUST ENOUGH.
  6. Know how to deal with negative feedback: Whether it be constructive criticism or hateful slander, we can be assured that our road to success will be bumpy as we endure the blows of those around us.  We can’t afford to be unprepared.  Motivation turns into momentum, but improperly filtered feedback will stop us dead in our tracks.
  7. Know how to relax: As important as motivation, rejuvenation is certainly a key to success.  Knowing how to get a good night’s sleep as well as reaching a relaxed state in the heart of a stressful situation is crucial for both current satisfaction and future destination.
  8. Know how to get out of your comfort zone: One of the greatest deterrents for success is our inability to breach the boundaries of our comfort zones.  Fear of the unknown, coupled with a soft, un-calloused psyche, we see no other option, but to stagnate.
  9. Know how to avoid self-destructing: We often have the perfect plan in our heads as we start our journey of success.  We base our future actions on what we believe is right around the corner.  But what happens when things go much differently?  How do we react when stage 2 can’t happen because stage 1 took us in a different direction?  We must remain flexible and ready to adjust our course when necessary.  We can’t control life, but we can control our reaction to it.
  10. Know that it’s never to late to change your life: Whether we’ve been stuck in a hole all our lives or have just recently fallen into one, there’s no time like the present to dig ourselves out and make the move toward our own brand of success.  To know how to be successful is to know that tomorrow is ALWAYS a new day.

How do you categorize something with the title ‘How To Be Successful’?  Do you file it under ‘Goals’?  I mean, success is all about accomplishment, right?  Or maybe you should put it under ‘Health’.  Good health, to many, is a number one priority in life.  What about ‘Relationships’?  Doesn’t a strong relationship make for a better life?

As we set out to define how to be successful and touch on what I believe makes for a successful human being, we have to keep in mind that success is truly in the eye of the beholder.  So it’s not about a specific prize, a ‘holy grail’ if you will, but the ability to successfully pursue those things in your life that bring you the greatest purpose and satisfaction.

Meet Bill

Bill is a forty something entrepreneur from Chicago, raised in a fairly average home, with average parents and an average lifestyle.  Bill did OK in school and even made it halfway through college.  After two years of hitting the books hard, Bill decided that school had played its part in his life and it was time to move on.  So at the expense of his parents peace of mind, Bill dropped out and started looking for work.

Fast forward by about 20 years and you will see Bill, working in one of his many offices, running his successful international company that he built for the ground up.  To put it plainly, Bill is a wealthy man.  Not just financially, but Bill has managed to maintain good physical health, land the love of his life and still put aside time for his precious children.  Bill is no superman, but he knows what he wants and is dedicated to living that lifestyle that fits his idea of success.  It’s not about fame or fortune, but staying true to his clear vision of what life should be like for him and his family.

Meet John

John, also from Chicago and pushing the same forty year old status, is not so happy in his current situation.  Coming from a similar background, but managing to make it all the way through college, John now finds himself struggling to get by. About ten years back, John got divorced.  A marriage that was doomed from the start, this relationship defined Johns inability to sense a healthy situation.  From the middle management position that brings him zero satisfaction, to the devastating debt he’s accrued over years of trying to buy his own happiness, John is lost when it comes to defining his desires and properly pursuing them through the necessary channels.  Not only is John not successful, but he’s depressed by the fact that he may only be half way through his lackluster life.

Switching Places

One cold winter morning Bill received a phone call.  It was his accountant and Bill could tell that the news was not the good kind.  “What is it Joe?” Bill asked his CPA.  “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, Bill, but your company has gone bankrupt.”  “What?!  How can this be?!  There were no signs of this.  Last quarter alone brought us an increase of 15%.  Where is this coming from?” For the next 30 minutes, Joe explained how some of his employees had been embezzling money from the company for the last 2 years.  They managed to doctor the books so the stolen funds did not seem to be missing.  By the time they were caught, the companies financial infrastructure had been deteriorated and could do nothing but collapse.  Bill was both devastated and broke. Around that same time, John had found out that after a distant, wealthy relative had passed away, he had come into a small fortune and a large piece of property.  John was elated!  He felt that all his troubles were over and he could finally enjoy life.  He quit his job (burning bridges with his spiteful departure) and moved into his new, much larger, home in the suburbs.  John was finally successful…or so he thought.

A year has passed…

Both Bill and John had now had time to ease into their new situations.  The sting of Bill’s great fall had dulled and John’s new found happiness was starting to dwindle. Shortly after Bill lost everything, he started working in the same company that John had left.  Coming in as a cashier, Bill quickly moved up the ladder as assistant manager and then manager.  To help lighten his load, Bill’s wife began working part time.  Their kids were in school so they could manage all of this without missing out on the life they previously enjoyed.  Bill valued family above all else and he was not about to let these unfortunate circumstances take away time with his wife and kids. From the very get go, John had managed to put a massive dent into his new found fortune.  Going on spending sprees, buying all the things that used to seem out of reach, John was determined to debunk the idea that money can’t buy happiness. He also began hanging out in bars as he hoped to meet Mrs. right.  Using the phrase, “Drinks are on me!” time and time again, John was constantly trying to attract others with his fake confidence and half hidden insecurities.  But when rejection seemed even more prevalent, John slowly found his way back into his discouraged state of mind.

5 years later…

About two years after starting his position as a cashier and then quickly moving up, Bill had learned everything he possibly could about the business he was working in.  Not willing to settle for less, Bill began the process of starting his own company that would sell the same products, but to an International audience.  Before too long, Bill and his family had found themselves right back in their sweet spot, opportunities abound. John’s situation was not quite the same.  Managing to waste most of is willed wealth in the first 3 years of his obtaining it, John was now looking for work to pay down some of the debt.  With no other choice but to sell his home, John started apartment hunting in the city and crawling back to his old job.  Unfortunately, after his bridge burning departure, instead of re-entering as a manager, John had to start back at the bottom, ringing up customers as he pined over what went wrong. Interestingly enough, Bill had been the one to buy John’s house in the ‘burbs.  By that summer, there were fresh flowers in the garden, clean cut grass and the sense that a heart transplant had taken place in that home.  Even the neighbors seemed happier as their new next door tenants finally did justice to the beauty of that big old house.

What is success?

People often say that success is a state of mind.  That if you want to be satisfied with life, be satisfied with life.  But this doesn’t deal with the fact that a desired destination requires the proper mindset and discomfort in the current state.  Not that we can’t be satisfied every step of the way, but that if that satisfaction becomes too comfortable, we risk standing stagnant, never venturing forth into the world of possibility. John was all about comfort.  A man of the moment, he never planned for the future or learned from his past.  John’s vision of success was extremely insignificant as he accepted his new found fortune as a quick fix for boredom and low self-esteem. While John spent a lot of his time figuring out how he was going to spend his next dollar, he missed out on the big picture.  He couldn’t seem to visualize the pitiful life he lived.  He was oblivious to his lack of relational connection.  He mistook money for a brief moment of fun, while great opportunity floated on by. Bill, on the other hand, was less interested in when his next lunch break was and more so in the possibilities that were right around the corner.  He fed off the love of his family and never grew restless as he worked hard to pull himself back up.  He enjoyed each moment, but couldn’t help be aware of a much bigger picture. Where John could see his job as nothing more than a way to pay his bills, Bill was taking every opportunity to learn from his new circumstances.  Neither one was given more from the start, but while John was lost in his own sea of self-medicating escapism, Bill knew nothing more than a healthy, happy life.

To answer the question, ‘How To Be Successful’, we have to see the key ingredient to success.  It’s our mindset that makes or breaks our ability to succeed.  It’s our comfort or discomfort in different circumstances that determines our direction.  Just like John could no more be successful than then sky could be orange, Bill was incapable of settling for less than success.  For Bill, it wasn’t a matter of thinking through each situation and determining which way to fork when following the road to greater opportunity, but instead it was his natural instinct that led the way.  Just like a cat could never be comfortable in water, neither could Bill just sit in a situation that failed to bring him and his family closer to their own personal goals.

Check out for the next edition as we break down the ingredients that will make us successful.

motivatethyself.com

“Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the face.”
Helen Keller

“Whatever we expect with confidence becomes our own self-fulfilling prophecy.”
Brian Tracy

“Confidence is courage at ease.”
Daniel Maher

I believe that one of the most common wishes is simply to feel more confident in various situations in life.

But how?

Confident friends may say: “Well, just be confident, man!”. However, to a person that doesn’t feel that confident this piece of advice may not be very helpful. At all.

Now, for that person who finds the words ‘be confident’ as just mere words, I hope he/she will find something useful in this article to help you improve and maintain your own levels of confidence.

1. Take action. Get it done.

“Having once decided to achieve a certain task, achieve it at all costs of tedium and distaste. The gain in self-confidence of having accomplished a tiresome labor is immense.”
Thomas A. Bennett

“Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment.”
Thomas Carlyle

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”
Dale Carnegie

The most important step in building self confidence is simply to take action. Working on something and getting it done. Sitting at home and thinking about it will just make you feel worse. Simple. But not always easy to do. To make it a bit easier, here are a three of my favourite ways to make it easer to take action:

  • Be present. This will help you snap out of over thinking and just go and do whatever you want to get done. This is probably the best tip I have found so far for taking more action since it puts you in a state where you feel little emotional resistance to the work you’ll do. And it puts you in state where the right actions often just seem to flow out of you in a focused but relaxed way and without much effort. One of the simplest ways to connect with the present moment is just to keep your focus on your breathing for a minute or two.
  • Lighten up. One way to dissuade yourself from taking action is to take whatever you are about to do too seriously. That makes it feel too big, too difficult and too scary. If you on the other hand relax a bit and lighten up you often realize that those problems and negative feelings are just something you are creating in your own mind. With a lighter state of mind your tasks seems lighter and become easier to get started with.
  • Really, really want it. Then taking action isn’t something you have to force. Taking action becomes a very natural thing. It’s something you can’t wait to do.

2. Face your fear.

“The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear.”
William Jennings Bryan

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

Look, I could tell you to do affirmations or other exercises for months in front of your mirror. It may have a positive effect. Just like preparing yourself it may help you to take action with more confidence.

But to be frank, if you don’t listen to the quotes above and face your fears you won’t experience any better self confidence on a deeper and more fundamental level. Having experiences where you face your fear is what really builds self confidence. There is no way around it.

However, there are ways to face your fears that do not include that much shaking of the knees. There are ways to make it easier for yourself.

  • Be curious. When you are stuck in fear you are closed up. You tend to create division in your world and mind. You create barriers between you and other things/people. When you shift to being curious your perceptions go SWOOSH! and the world just opens up. Curiosity is filled with anticipation and enthusiasm. It opens you up. And when you are open and enthusiastic then you have more fun things to think about than focusing on your fear. How do you become more curious? One way is to remember how life has become more fun in the past thanks to your curiosity and to remember all the cool things it helped you to discover and experience.
  • Realize that fear is often based on unhelpful interpretation. As humans we like to look for patterns. The problem is just that we often find negative and not so helpful patterns in our lives based on just one or two experiences. Or by misjudging situations. Or through some silly miscommunication. When you get too identified with your thoughts you’ll believe anything they tell you. A more helpful practise may be to not take your thoughts too seriously. A lot of the time they and your memory are pretty inaccurate.

Tomorrow we look at Part 2 for 2 more ways. See you then.

Today we discuss the last 2 points that can assist us in handling self-esteem;

5. Realize that failure or being wrong will not kill you.

“Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.”
Peter T. Mcintyre

“I quit being afraid when my first venture failed and the sky didn’t fall down.”
Allen H. Neuharth

Again, you have to face your fear. Because it is only then that you discover the thing that billions of people throughout history have discovered before you. Failure won’t kill you. Nor will being wrong. The sky will not fall down. That’s just what people that haven’t faced their fear yet think.

The thing is to reframe failure from being something that makes your legs shake to something useful and important for the growth of your self confidence and your overall growth as a human being. Here are four ways that failure can help you out:

  • You learn. Instead of seeing failure as something horrible you can start to view it more as a learning experience. When standing in the middle of a failure, you can ask yourself questions like: What’s awesome about this situation? What can I learn from this situation?
  • You gain experiences you could not get any other way.  Ideally, you probably want to learn from other people’s mistakes and failures. That’s not always easy to do though. Sometimes you just have to fail on your own to learn a lesson and to gain an experience no one can relate to you in mere words.
  • You become stronger. Every time you fail you become more accustomed to it. You realize more and more that it’s not the end of the world. And, again, you get desensitized. You can handle things that would have been very hard to handle a few years back. Failing can also a have an exhilarating component because even though you failed you at least took a chance. You didn’t just sit on you hands doing nothing. And that took quite a bit of courage and determination.
  • Your chances of succeeding increases. Every time you fail you can learn and increase your inner strength. So every failure can make you more and more likely to succeed.

And remember, the world doesn’t revolve around you. You may like to think so. But it doesn’t. People really don’t care that much about what you do. They have their own life, problems and worries that the world revolves around them to focus on. They don’t think that much about you or are constantly monitoring what you do wrong or when you fail.

Maybe a disappointing thought. But a liberating and relieving one too because now you can let go of that worry that everyone is watching you.

6. Get to know who you are and what you want out of life.

“The world has the habit of making room for the man whose words and actions show that he knows where he is going.”
Napoleon Hill

“Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that you can’t do this or that. That’s nonsense. Make up your mind, you’ll never use crutches or a stick, then have a go at everything. Go to school, join in all the games you can. Go anywhere you want to. But never, never let them persuade you that things are too difficult or impossible.”
Douglas Bader

To build and find more confidence in yourself you have to get to know yourself better. Go exploring. Face some of your fears. Fail over and over and understand that it isn’t really that big of a deal. Grow stronger through such experiences and also become more internally relaxed. Figure out what really excites you by simply trying a whole bunch of stuff out.

When you know more about who you are and what you want out of life – not other people say you want – you will have more confidence in yourself and what you can do.

What other people say or think will have less of an impact than it used to because you know who you are better than they do. And since you have had all these experiences, since you have taken time to really get to know yourself and stretch yourself you will trust your own opinion and ability more than anything outside of you. You become stable and centred in yourself.

This will of course take time. It may be something that never really ends. So you might as well get started now.

Last time we discussed;

1. Take action. Get it done.

2. Face your fear.

Now today we discuss 2 more points;

3. Understand in what order things happen.

One of my favourite snippets of movie-dialogue is this one from the 1999 film “Three Kings”.

In this scene Major Archie Gates (George Clooney) wants the small team to save a fellow soldier and steal Saddam’s gold just after the first Gulf War has ended.

The young soldier Conrad Vig (Spike Jonze) has his doubts about the plan:

Archie Gates: You’re scared, right?
Conrad Vig: Maybe.
Archie Gates: The way it works is, you do the thing you’re scared shitless of, and you get the courage AFTER you do it, not before you do it.
Conrad Vig: That’s a dumbass way to work. It should be the other way around.
Archie Gates: I know. That’s the way it works.

Great movie. Great little piece of dialogue. Even though it may not be what people want to hear.

The thing is, when you do things you don’t just build confidence in your ability to handle different situations. You also experience progressive desensitization. What that means is that situations – like for example public speaking or maybe just showing your latest blogpost to an audience out there – that made you feel all shaky become more and more normal in your life. It is not longer something you psyche yourself up to do. It just becomes normal. Like tying your shoes, hanging out with your friends or taking a shower.

It may seem scary now. But after having done whatever you fear a few to a dozen times or so you may think: “Is that it?”. You almost feel disappointed of how anticlimactic it has become. You may even get a bit angry with yourself and wonder why you avoided doing it for so long.

4. Prepare.

“One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self- confidence is preparation.”
Arthur Ashe

When you know nothing of what you are about to do it’s very easy to get lost in vague, foggy fear and start building big horror scenarios in your mind of what may happen if you give it a try.

Preparing yourself and educating yourself can be a big help here. By for example rehearsing and rewriting your speech over and over you can pretty much learn it by heart. By doing research you can find breathing techniques that can quickly make your calmer and present. Or simple visualization techniques that make you feel more confident and positive as you step out on the stage.

This is obviously more work than not doing anything about the speech at all before you start giving it. But it can make a huge difference in your confidence levels if you take the time to prepare yourself. And of course, the speech and the delivery of it will most likely be a lot better too.

So prepare and you will feel more comfortable and confident. Just don’t make the mistake of getting stuck in the preparation phase and using it as a way to avoid taking action and the possible pain that it may result in.

Next time we will be looking at Part 3 which has 2 more points.

It is a brand new week good people and this means we will be handling a brand new topic. I have received a lot of feedback and i really thank you for that. Most of the people have asked for the discussion of image, self-confidence and self-esteem issues and that is exactly what we are going to pick up on this week. I hope that it will be an interesting learning experience.

Now to the basics;

“Self-esteem creates natural highs. Knowing that you’re lovable helps you to love more. Knowing that you’re important helps you to make a difference to to others. Knowing that you are capable empowers you to create more. Knowing that you’re valuable and that you have a special place in the universe is a serene spiritual joy in itself.”

What Is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is the value we place on what we believe to be true about ourselves; how we feel about ourselves; and/or an emotion we hold true about ourselves.

According to Wikipedia; Self-esteem is a term in psychology to reflect a person’s overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, “I am competent”, “I am worthy”) and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame.

People with high self-esteem consider themselves worthy, and view themselves as equal to others. They recognize their limitations, expect to grow and improve, and do not pretend to be perfect.

Those low in self-esteem generally experience self-rejection, self-dissatisfaction, self-contempt, and self-disparagement. Low self-esteem can be a major factor in mental health problems, suicide, alcohol and drug abuse, violence, and many other problems.

Characteristics of a person with high or positive self-esteem

  1. Believes strongly in certain principles and values.
  2. Is capable of acting in his/her own best judgment.
  3. Has fewer health problems.
  4. Genuinely enjoys him/herself and participates in a wide variety of activities.
  5. Feels equal to others as a person.
  6. Resists efforts of peers to dominate or sway them.
  7. Feels confident in the ability to deal with challenging situations, despite failures and setbacks
  8. Is sensitive to the needs of others; cares about others.
  9. Is more flexible and adaptable in changing situations.
  10. Is happy, energetic, enthusiastic, and enjoys life.

Characteristics of a person with low or negative self-esteem

  1. Is overly sensitive to criticism, and afraid to make a mistake.
  2. Is overly critical of others and self.
  3. Blames others.
  4. Feels persecuted.
  5. Has a fear of competition and/or is reluctant to try new things.
  6. Is over-responsive to praise.
  7. Is shy, timid, or withdrawn.
  8. Is uncertain of own opinions and values.
  9. May be jealous or possessive.
  10. Has difficulty entering into loving relationships.

Tomorrow we will be discussing on some of the things we should do raise our self-esteem and therefore make us acceptable and productive in the society.

Hey good people.

Hoping Sunday is well with you. Today i decided to give a Sunday Special article that i came across and though it could be of help to us as we live here on earth.

They are the Telephone Numbers to call Heaven in case you have any problem;

When needing courage: Psalm 138:3; Ephesians 6:10-13

When facing danger: Psalm 91; Psalm 121

When you have doubts about your salvation: John 3:16; 1 John 5:11-13

When in doubt of God’s power to keep you faithful: Philippians 1:6; 1 Peter 1:5

When in financial need: Psalm 34:10; Philippians 4:19

When needing forgiveness: Hebrews 4:15-16; 1 John 1:9

When seeking guidance: Proverbs 3:5-6; James 1:5

When lonely and depressed: Psalm 23; Hebrews 13:5

When your patience is being tried: Romans 8:28-29; James 1:2-4

When seeking peace in a stressful time: John 14:27; 16:33 Philippians 4:6-7

When filled with sinful pride: 1 Corinthians 4:7; Philippians 2:3-8

When burdened with many problems: Psalm 55:22; 1 Peter 5:7

When needing rest: Matthew 11:28-30; Galatians 6:9

When driven by selfish desire: Philippians 4:8; 1 John 2:15-17

When facing sorrow: Romans 8:26-28; 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

When seeking God’s standard: Matthew 5:48; Matthew 22:36-40

When suffering: Psalm 34:19; 2 Corinthians 4:17

When facing temptation: 1 Corinthians 10-13; James 1:2-4 and 12-15

When being treated unfairly: 1 Peter 2:19-23; 1 Peter 4:12-15

When feeling weak and inadequate: 2 Corinthians 12:9-10; Philippians 4:13

 

Blessed Sunday people and see you tomorrow as we start off on a very interesting topic.

 

From your feedback, i can tell that the discussions we are having are of great impact and that gives me the zeal to continue. Now this week we are on a very interesting theme, Keeping The Found – basically how to properly guard that which you have liked, and am glad of the progress we have made so far. Today we continue with the same series and we discuss on, How To Maintain A Relationship.

Now, every relationship is unique, complex and multi-dimensional, and every person has his own way of understanding and feeling if a relationship is or is not right for him. Most of us want to fall in love, be in love and stay in love forever. We want just to put ourselves to the hands of the loved one in the hope that the relationship will provide all our happiness. We even think that our partner is supposed to know exactly what, when and how to provide this happiness. But good relationships do not happen out of nowhere, automatically, and are based on caring and giving rather then by a need. We all must be prepared to give to the other and not just concentrate on what it is that we need and what is important only for us.

The beauty and essence of a good relationship is when you feel completely comfortable with the other part. A relationship can be a great way to have fun and create a special bond, as well as learn a lot about yourself and the one you care for. Good relationship makes you laugh, it makes you feel safe and supported, and what is most important – very happy.

Maintaining a good and strong relationship requires a lot of effort, sincerity and dedication. It also requires understanding and a capacity to forgive. It is important to remember, that even when a relationship is going well and smooth, it should never be taken for granted and still, a lot of effort is required to be put into in order to keep it. This way, there is a better chance for any kind of relationship to become strong and healthy.

The fundamental thing in maintaining a good relationship is the ability of partners to listen. When we are able to listen to another person, we are given a chance to understand deeper his thoughts, and the other person, in its turn feels that he is worthy of being listened to. Trust increases the value of any relationship. Learning to trust someone and being honest with them may take some time. The more time is being spent together and more experiences are being shared together, the level of trust will eventually increase. It takes a long time to build a normal relationship, but it can be destroyed in a second if betrayal takes place. Trust sanctifies a relationship and the break of it often leads to a break-up.

Communication is the key to maintaining a healthy and strong relationship. It is important from the very beginning to talk to each other, to nurture each other and give each other support. It is a good idea to keep the lines of communication open. This means talking on a regular basis about everyday happenings in life, share opinions, thoughts and feelings. When this happens, people start understanding each other much better and get to know of each other’s likes and dislikes.

Having a healthy relationship does not mean that partners never argue or disagree about anything. We all have our ups and downs, and conflicts occur at some point in all relationships. It is impossible to imagine, that two unique individuals who became closer and started sharing time with each other, and sometimes living under the same roof, would never disagree on some subject, whether it is about tastes in food, movies, clothing, or just about visiting or not visiting friends in the weekend. Sometimes it can be difficult to manage these arguments. Therefore, it is important that people learn how to deal with differences and conflicts, no matter large or small. It is important to stay calm and honest about how you feel and what you need. The appropriate thing would be also to discuss in a friendly manner anything that bothers both sides, and just simply agree to disagree. This is a right thing to do as the goal of a healthy relationship is not to copy each other, but that both partners can feel good about who they are. The more people talk about their problems, the easier it will become to solve them. It is essential to realize that learning about how to work things out together is a key to a successful relationship. When you respect someone else’s tastes, opinions and choices, you can always excpect that they will respect yours in return.

It is also very important not to try to change your partner. To be in a relationship where one just lives with a hope that another one will change is unhealthy for both. You will just get disappointed waiting for him/her to change, while the other one will get upset not being accepted for who he/she is.

Spending time together is important for getting to know each other better and it can also be lots of fun. Giving each other space and freedom from time to time is another significant moment. It is not good to interfere in what they do, or try to restrict them to certain limits. Also, people hate to be doubted. As soon as it happens, any relationship can go down in an instant. Just think that doubting another half is equal to doubting yourself. Freedom is the most valuable aspect in any relationship, and if you give it to your partner, they will respect and love you even more.

The value of a really good relationship is priceless, and when it comes to you, embrace it, nurture it, savor it and try to maintain by all possible means. And if you try to follow the suggestions given above, then no force can split you and your partner ever, and you will be the best example for many other couples on how to lead a beautiful life.

Hope you enjoy. Refer your friends to the article and also to the page http://www.facebook.com/ceekaykay

This week we are focusing on the theme, Keeping The Found – which means very well guarding that which you have identified and you really like, and we started off by looking at how tell that you like someone and i believe we have all benefited and as i always say we are only updating our databases on this subjects because i believe that everyone has some knowledge about the topics we discuss. Now today we are going to look at how to start a relationship and not only how to start but starting the relationship on the right foot, being right from the word go. Whenever you meet someone and it becomes apparent that there is a great deal of attraction on both side and the possibility exists that you may be embarking on a serious relationship, it’s important to start things off right, or you run the risk of developing destructive habits that can destroy the relationship over time. The following ten important tips on how to start a relationship off right can help to get a relationship established on a strong foundation that can help allow a relationship to grow into something that is healthy and good for both people involved.

1 – Honesty. This one tops every list of things that are important in a relationship. Whether you’re just starting out or have been together many years, honesty is the cornerstone of all good relationships. Therefore, it’s critically important that you start out any new relationship with total honesty. This includes the things you say and do, as well as the things you chose to omit or hide.

2 – Bluntness. If you are truly serious about starting a new relationship with someone, it’s important that you don’t try to sugarcoat anything in your past or that you feel about things. If you have a weird fetish, a pile of debt, a criminal record, or anything else that your hesitant about sharing, you need to come clean as soon as possible. Don’t be shy about not only who you are, but where you are in life and what you are looking for.

3 – Seriousness. The thing about new relationships is that they are fun and exciting times. It’s easy to forget that you may be embarking on something that could become quite serious. This is why it’s good to keep in mind whenever starting a new relationship that you do need to keep the seriousness of what you are doing in mind, so that you don’t make mistakes that could harm the relationship later on.

4 – Establishing boundaries. In any new relationship, it’s very important that you establish any boundaries that you may have. If there are things you won’t do in the bedroom, or things outside of it that you are afraid of, or rules of behavior that you require of a partner, you need to share these things and make sure that there are just certain boundaries that you will never tolerate being crossed.

5 – Setting a proper tone. It’s important that you set a proper tone for your relationship right from the beginning because it’s a difficult thing to change once you’ve been together for awhile. What this entails is how you speak with one another, respectfully hopefully, how you help each other or the things you do for one another. These are the things that will be with you for the duration of the relationship, so it would behoove you to make sure things don’t get started that you won’t care for later on.

6 – Establishing give and take. In every relationship there is give and take. One person gives here, another takes there. Whether it’s forms of affection, gifts, or doing things for one another that help maintain a bond. It’s important to lay the groundwork right from the get go because like many other things that go on, who gives what and who takes when will become the norm shortly after the relationship starts.

7 – Comparing goals. Another thing you should definitely do as the relationship begins is to compare goals with one another. You need to know where this other person wants to be in the future and likewise them for you. If there are clashes, such as the desire to have children, where you might want to one day live, or minimum monetary thresholds expected, it could lead to a lot of pain and heartache later on. It’s best to know in the beginning so that both parties can decide before things get to serious whether the relationship is worth pursuing.

8 – Testing your chemistry. Many times in first blushes of romance, people tend to overlook certain aspects of their chemistry together. If lust is the overriding gauge of chemistry in the beginning, it might be easy to overlook personal chemistry. Similarly the reverse might be true. At any rate, it’s a good idea to stop and analyze all aspects of chemistry before getting too far into the relationship, because otherwise it might become glaringly obvious later on when it will be far more difficult to deal with.

9 – Watching and learning. As your relationship develops, it’s good to sit back and watch this person that you are considering for a serious relationship. Take off the rose colored glasses for a bit and try to see them as someone might that doesn’t know them, or maybe perhaps as someone that has known them a lot longer than you have. See how you feel about the things you notice.

10 – Watching your rituals. Every relationship develops rituals over time. The longer a couple are together, the more that arise. The only problem is, sometimes these rituals are things that one or the other party don’t really like. Therefore it is critical that you nip them in the bud before they get established, otherwise you’ll be streaming up stream for the rest of your time together.

These ten important tips on how to start a relationship off right are for anyone, male or female who thinks they may be in the very beginning stages of a long romance.

If you are in such a position, I hope these tips help. Good luck.