Archive for March, 2012

“Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the face.”
Helen Keller

“Whatever we expect with confidence becomes our own self-fulfilling prophecy.”
Brian Tracy

“Confidence is courage at ease.”
Daniel Maher

I believe that one of the most common wishes is simply to feel more confident in various situations in life.

But how?

Confident friends may say: “Well, just be confident, man!”. However, to a person that doesn’t feel that confident this piece of advice may not be very helpful. At all.

Now, for that person who finds the words ‘be confident’ as just mere words, I hope he/she will find something useful in this article to help you improve and maintain your own levels of confidence.

1. Take action. Get it done.

“Having once decided to achieve a certain task, achieve it at all costs of tedium and distaste. The gain in self-confidence of having accomplished a tiresome labor is immense.”
Thomas A. Bennett

“Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment.”
Thomas Carlyle

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”
Dale Carnegie

The most important step in building self confidence is simply to take action. Working on something and getting it done. Sitting at home and thinking about it will just make you feel worse. Simple. But not always easy to do. To make it a bit easier, here are a three of my favourite ways to make it easer to take action:

  • Be present. This will help you snap out of over thinking and just go and do whatever you want to get done. This is probably the best tip I have found so far for taking more action since it puts you in a state where you feel little emotional resistance to the work you’ll do. And it puts you in state where the right actions often just seem to flow out of you in a focused but relaxed way and without much effort. One of the simplest ways to connect with the present moment is just to keep your focus on your breathing for a minute or two.
  • Lighten up. One way to dissuade yourself from taking action is to take whatever you are about to do too seriously. That makes it feel too big, too difficult and too scary. If you on the other hand relax a bit and lighten up you often realize that those problems and negative feelings are just something you are creating in your own mind. With a lighter state of mind your tasks seems lighter and become easier to get started with.
  • Really, really want it. Then taking action isn’t something you have to force. Taking action becomes a very natural thing. It’s something you can’t wait to do.

2. Face your fear.

“The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear.”
William Jennings Bryan

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

Look, I could tell you to do affirmations or other exercises for months in front of your mirror. It may have a positive effect. Just like preparing yourself it may help you to take action with more confidence.

But to be frank, if you don’t listen to the quotes above and face your fears you won’t experience any better self confidence on a deeper and more fundamental level. Having experiences where you face your fear is what really builds self confidence. There is no way around it.

However, there are ways to face your fears that do not include that much shaking of the knees. There are ways to make it easier for yourself.

  • Be curious. When you are stuck in fear you are closed up. You tend to create division in your world and mind. You create barriers between you and other things/people. When you shift to being curious your perceptions go SWOOSH! and the world just opens up. Curiosity is filled with anticipation and enthusiasm. It opens you up. And when you are open and enthusiastic then you have more fun things to think about than focusing on your fear. How do you become more curious? One way is to remember how life has become more fun in the past thanks to your curiosity and to remember all the cool things it helped you to discover and experience.
  • Realize that fear is often based on unhelpful interpretation. As humans we like to look for patterns. The problem is just that we often find negative and not so helpful patterns in our lives based on just one or two experiences. Or by misjudging situations. Or through some silly miscommunication. When you get too identified with your thoughts you’ll believe anything they tell you. A more helpful practise may be to not take your thoughts too seriously. A lot of the time they and your memory are pretty inaccurate.

Tomorrow we look at Part 2 for 2 more ways. See you then.


Today we discuss the last 2 points that can assist us in handling self-esteem;

5. Realize that failure or being wrong will not kill you.

“Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.”
Peter T. Mcintyre

“I quit being afraid when my first venture failed and the sky didn’t fall down.”
Allen H. Neuharth

Again, you have to face your fear. Because it is only then that you discover the thing that billions of people throughout history have discovered before you. Failure won’t kill you. Nor will being wrong. The sky will not fall down. That’s just what people that haven’t faced their fear yet think.

The thing is to reframe failure from being something that makes your legs shake to something useful and important for the growth of your self confidence and your overall growth as a human being. Here are four ways that failure can help you out:

  • You learn. Instead of seeing failure as something horrible you can start to view it more as a learning experience. When standing in the middle of a failure, you can ask yourself questions like: What’s awesome about this situation? What can I learn from this situation?
  • You gain experiences you could not get any other way.  Ideally, you probably want to learn from other people’s mistakes and failures. That’s not always easy to do though. Sometimes you just have to fail on your own to learn a lesson and to gain an experience no one can relate to you in mere words.
  • You become stronger. Every time you fail you become more accustomed to it. You realize more and more that it’s not the end of the world. And, again, you get desensitized. You can handle things that would have been very hard to handle a few years back. Failing can also a have an exhilarating component because even though you failed you at least took a chance. You didn’t just sit on you hands doing nothing. And that took quite a bit of courage and determination.
  • Your chances of succeeding increases. Every time you fail you can learn and increase your inner strength. So every failure can make you more and more likely to succeed.

And remember, the world doesn’t revolve around you. You may like to think so. But it doesn’t. People really don’t care that much about what you do. They have their own life, problems and worries that the world revolves around them to focus on. They don’t think that much about you or are constantly monitoring what you do wrong or when you fail.

Maybe a disappointing thought. But a liberating and relieving one too because now you can let go of that worry that everyone is watching you.

6. Get to know who you are and what you want out of life.

“The world has the habit of making room for the man whose words and actions show that he knows where he is going.”
Napoleon Hill

“Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that you can’t do this or that. That’s nonsense. Make up your mind, you’ll never use crutches or a stick, then have a go at everything. Go to school, join in all the games you can. Go anywhere you want to. But never, never let them persuade you that things are too difficult or impossible.”
Douglas Bader

To build and find more confidence in yourself you have to get to know yourself better. Go exploring. Face some of your fears. Fail over and over and understand that it isn’t really that big of a deal. Grow stronger through such experiences and also become more internally relaxed. Figure out what really excites you by simply trying a whole bunch of stuff out.

When you know more about who you are and what you want out of life – not other people say you want – you will have more confidence in yourself and what you can do.

What other people say or think will have less of an impact than it used to because you know who you are better than they do. And since you have had all these experiences, since you have taken time to really get to know yourself and stretch yourself you will trust your own opinion and ability more than anything outside of you. You become stable and centred in yourself.

This will of course take time. It may be something that never really ends. So you might as well get started now.

Last time we discussed;

1. Take action. Get it done.

2. Face your fear.

Now today we discuss 2 more points;

3. Understand in what order things happen.

One of my favourite snippets of movie-dialogue is this one from the 1999 film “Three Kings”.

In this scene Major Archie Gates (George Clooney) wants the small team to save a fellow soldier and steal Saddam’s gold just after the first Gulf War has ended.

The young soldier Conrad Vig (Spike Jonze) has his doubts about the plan:

Archie Gates: You’re scared, right?
Conrad Vig: Maybe.
Archie Gates: The way it works is, you do the thing you’re scared shitless of, and you get the courage AFTER you do it, not before you do it.
Conrad Vig: That’s a dumbass way to work. It should be the other way around.
Archie Gates: I know. That’s the way it works.

Great movie. Great little piece of dialogue. Even though it may not be what people want to hear.

The thing is, when you do things you don’t just build confidence in your ability to handle different situations. You also experience progressive desensitization. What that means is that situations – like for example public speaking or maybe just showing your latest blogpost to an audience out there – that made you feel all shaky become more and more normal in your life. It is not longer something you psyche yourself up to do. It just becomes normal. Like tying your shoes, hanging out with your friends or taking a shower.

It may seem scary now. But after having done whatever you fear a few to a dozen times or so you may think: “Is that it?”. You almost feel disappointed of how anticlimactic it has become. You may even get a bit angry with yourself and wonder why you avoided doing it for so long.

4. Prepare.

“One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self- confidence is preparation.”
Arthur Ashe

When you know nothing of what you are about to do it’s very easy to get lost in vague, foggy fear and start building big horror scenarios in your mind of what may happen if you give it a try.

Preparing yourself and educating yourself can be a big help here. By for example rehearsing and rewriting your speech over and over you can pretty much learn it by heart. By doing research you can find breathing techniques that can quickly make your calmer and present. Or simple visualization techniques that make you feel more confident and positive as you step out on the stage.

This is obviously more work than not doing anything about the speech at all before you start giving it. But it can make a huge difference in your confidence levels if you take the time to prepare yourself. And of course, the speech and the delivery of it will most likely be a lot better too.

So prepare and you will feel more comfortable and confident. Just don’t make the mistake of getting stuck in the preparation phase and using it as a way to avoid taking action and the possible pain that it may result in.

Next time we will be looking at Part 3 which has 2 more points.

It is a brand new week good people and this means we will be handling a brand new topic. I have received a lot of feedback and i really thank you for that. Most of the people have asked for the discussion of image, self-confidence and self-esteem issues and that is exactly what we are going to pick up on this week. I hope that it will be an interesting learning experience.

Now to the basics;

“Self-esteem creates natural highs. Knowing that you’re lovable helps you to love more. Knowing that you’re important helps you to make a difference to to others. Knowing that you are capable empowers you to create more. Knowing that you’re valuable and that you have a special place in the universe is a serene spiritual joy in itself.”

What Is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is the value we place on what we believe to be true about ourselves; how we feel about ourselves; and/or an emotion we hold true about ourselves.

According to Wikipedia; Self-esteem is a term in psychology to reflect a person’s overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, “I am competent”, “I am worthy”) and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame.

People with high self-esteem consider themselves worthy, and view themselves as equal to others. They recognize their limitations, expect to grow and improve, and do not pretend to be perfect.

Those low in self-esteem generally experience self-rejection, self-dissatisfaction, self-contempt, and self-disparagement. Low self-esteem can be a major factor in mental health problems, suicide, alcohol and drug abuse, violence, and many other problems.

Characteristics of a person with high or positive self-esteem

  1. Believes strongly in certain principles and values.
  2. Is capable of acting in his/her own best judgment.
  3. Has fewer health problems.
  4. Genuinely enjoys him/herself and participates in a wide variety of activities.
  5. Feels equal to others as a person.
  6. Resists efforts of peers to dominate or sway them.
  7. Feels confident in the ability to deal with challenging situations, despite failures and setbacks
  8. Is sensitive to the needs of others; cares about others.
  9. Is more flexible and adaptable in changing situations.
  10. Is happy, energetic, enthusiastic, and enjoys life.

Characteristics of a person with low or negative self-esteem

  1. Is overly sensitive to criticism, and afraid to make a mistake.
  2. Is overly critical of others and self.
  3. Blames others.
  4. Feels persecuted.
  5. Has a fear of competition and/or is reluctant to try new things.
  6. Is over-responsive to praise.
  7. Is shy, timid, or withdrawn.
  8. Is uncertain of own opinions and values.
  9. May be jealous or possessive.
  10. Has difficulty entering into loving relationships.

Tomorrow we will be discussing on some of the things we should do raise our self-esteem and therefore make us acceptable and productive in the society.

Hey good people.

Hoping Sunday is well with you. Today i decided to give a Sunday Special article that i came across and though it could be of help to us as we live here on earth.

They are the Telephone Numbers to call Heaven in case you have any problem;

When needing courage: Psalm 138:3; Ephesians 6:10-13

When facing danger: Psalm 91; Psalm 121

When you have doubts about your salvation: John 3:16; 1 John 5:11-13

When in doubt of God’s power to keep you faithful: Philippians 1:6; 1 Peter 1:5

When in financial need: Psalm 34:10; Philippians 4:19

When needing forgiveness: Hebrews 4:15-16; 1 John 1:9

When seeking guidance: Proverbs 3:5-6; James 1:5

When lonely and depressed: Psalm 23; Hebrews 13:5

When your patience is being tried: Romans 8:28-29; James 1:2-4

When seeking peace in a stressful time: John 14:27; 16:33 Philippians 4:6-7

When filled with sinful pride: 1 Corinthians 4:7; Philippians 2:3-8

When burdened with many problems: Psalm 55:22; 1 Peter 5:7

When needing rest: Matthew 11:28-30; Galatians 6:9

When driven by selfish desire: Philippians 4:8; 1 John 2:15-17

When facing sorrow: Romans 8:26-28; 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

When seeking God’s standard: Matthew 5:48; Matthew 22:36-40

When suffering: Psalm 34:19; 2 Corinthians 4:17

When facing temptation: 1 Corinthians 10-13; James 1:2-4 and 12-15

When being treated unfairly: 1 Peter 2:19-23; 1 Peter 4:12-15

When feeling weak and inadequate: 2 Corinthians 12:9-10; Philippians 4:13


Blessed Sunday people and see you tomorrow as we start off on a very interesting topic.


From your feedback, i can tell that the discussions we are having are of great impact and that gives me the zeal to continue. Now this week we are on a very interesting theme, Keeping The Found – basically how to properly guard that which you have liked, and am glad of the progress we have made so far. Today we continue with the same series and we discuss on, How To Maintain A Relationship.

Now, every relationship is unique, complex and multi-dimensional, and every person has his own way of understanding and feeling if a relationship is or is not right for him. Most of us want to fall in love, be in love and stay in love forever. We want just to put ourselves to the hands of the loved one in the hope that the relationship will provide all our happiness. We even think that our partner is supposed to know exactly what, when and how to provide this happiness. But good relationships do not happen out of nowhere, automatically, and are based on caring and giving rather then by a need. We all must be prepared to give to the other and not just concentrate on what it is that we need and what is important only for us.

The beauty and essence of a good relationship is when you feel completely comfortable with the other part. A relationship can be a great way to have fun and create a special bond, as well as learn a lot about yourself and the one you care for. Good relationship makes you laugh, it makes you feel safe and supported, and what is most important – very happy.

Maintaining a good and strong relationship requires a lot of effort, sincerity and dedication. It also requires understanding and a capacity to forgive. It is important to remember, that even when a relationship is going well and smooth, it should never be taken for granted and still, a lot of effort is required to be put into in order to keep it. This way, there is a better chance for any kind of relationship to become strong and healthy.

The fundamental thing in maintaining a good relationship is the ability of partners to listen. When we are able to listen to another person, we are given a chance to understand deeper his thoughts, and the other person, in its turn feels that he is worthy of being listened to. Trust increases the value of any relationship. Learning to trust someone and being honest with them may take some time. The more time is being spent together and more experiences are being shared together, the level of trust will eventually increase. It takes a long time to build a normal relationship, but it can be destroyed in a second if betrayal takes place. Trust sanctifies a relationship and the break of it often leads to a break-up.

Communication is the key to maintaining a healthy and strong relationship. It is important from the very beginning to talk to each other, to nurture each other and give each other support. It is a good idea to keep the lines of communication open. This means talking on a regular basis about everyday happenings in life, share opinions, thoughts and feelings. When this happens, people start understanding each other much better and get to know of each other’s likes and dislikes.

Having a healthy relationship does not mean that partners never argue or disagree about anything. We all have our ups and downs, and conflicts occur at some point in all relationships. It is impossible to imagine, that two unique individuals who became closer and started sharing time with each other, and sometimes living under the same roof, would never disagree on some subject, whether it is about tastes in food, movies, clothing, or just about visiting or not visiting friends in the weekend. Sometimes it can be difficult to manage these arguments. Therefore, it is important that people learn how to deal with differences and conflicts, no matter large or small. It is important to stay calm and honest about how you feel and what you need. The appropriate thing would be also to discuss in a friendly manner anything that bothers both sides, and just simply agree to disagree. This is a right thing to do as the goal of a healthy relationship is not to copy each other, but that both partners can feel good about who they are. The more people talk about their problems, the easier it will become to solve them. It is essential to realize that learning about how to work things out together is a key to a successful relationship. When you respect someone else’s tastes, opinions and choices, you can always excpect that they will respect yours in return.

It is also very important not to try to change your partner. To be in a relationship where one just lives with a hope that another one will change is unhealthy for both. You will just get disappointed waiting for him/her to change, while the other one will get upset not being accepted for who he/she is.

Spending time together is important for getting to know each other better and it can also be lots of fun. Giving each other space and freedom from time to time is another significant moment. It is not good to interfere in what they do, or try to restrict them to certain limits. Also, people hate to be doubted. As soon as it happens, any relationship can go down in an instant. Just think that doubting another half is equal to doubting yourself. Freedom is the most valuable aspect in any relationship, and if you give it to your partner, they will respect and love you even more.

The value of a really good relationship is priceless, and when it comes to you, embrace it, nurture it, savor it and try to maintain by all possible means. And if you try to follow the suggestions given above, then no force can split you and your partner ever, and you will be the best example for many other couples on how to lead a beautiful life.

Hope you enjoy. Refer your friends to the article and also to the page

This week we are focusing on the theme, Keeping The Found – which means very well guarding that which you have identified and you really like, and we started off by looking at how tell that you like someone and i believe we have all benefited and as i always say we are only updating our databases on this subjects because i believe that everyone has some knowledge about the topics we discuss. Now today we are going to look at how to start a relationship and not only how to start but starting the relationship on the right foot, being right from the word go. Whenever you meet someone and it becomes apparent that there is a great deal of attraction on both side and the possibility exists that you may be embarking on a serious relationship, it’s important to start things off right, or you run the risk of developing destructive habits that can destroy the relationship over time. The following ten important tips on how to start a relationship off right can help to get a relationship established on a strong foundation that can help allow a relationship to grow into something that is healthy and good for both people involved.

1 – Honesty. This one tops every list of things that are important in a relationship. Whether you’re just starting out or have been together many years, honesty is the cornerstone of all good relationships. Therefore, it’s critically important that you start out any new relationship with total honesty. This includes the things you say and do, as well as the things you chose to omit or hide.

2 – Bluntness. If you are truly serious about starting a new relationship with someone, it’s important that you don’t try to sugarcoat anything in your past or that you feel about things. If you have a weird fetish, a pile of debt, a criminal record, or anything else that your hesitant about sharing, you need to come clean as soon as possible. Don’t be shy about not only who you are, but where you are in life and what you are looking for.

3 – Seriousness. The thing about new relationships is that they are fun and exciting times. It’s easy to forget that you may be embarking on something that could become quite serious. This is why it’s good to keep in mind whenever starting a new relationship that you do need to keep the seriousness of what you are doing in mind, so that you don’t make mistakes that could harm the relationship later on.

4 – Establishing boundaries. In any new relationship, it’s very important that you establish any boundaries that you may have. If there are things you won’t do in the bedroom, or things outside of it that you are afraid of, or rules of behavior that you require of a partner, you need to share these things and make sure that there are just certain boundaries that you will never tolerate being crossed.

5 – Setting a proper tone. It’s important that you set a proper tone for your relationship right from the beginning because it’s a difficult thing to change once you’ve been together for awhile. What this entails is how you speak with one another, respectfully hopefully, how you help each other or the things you do for one another. These are the things that will be with you for the duration of the relationship, so it would behoove you to make sure things don’t get started that you won’t care for later on.

6 – Establishing give and take. In every relationship there is give and take. One person gives here, another takes there. Whether it’s forms of affection, gifts, or doing things for one another that help maintain a bond. It’s important to lay the groundwork right from the get go because like many other things that go on, who gives what and who takes when will become the norm shortly after the relationship starts.

7 – Comparing goals. Another thing you should definitely do as the relationship begins is to compare goals with one another. You need to know where this other person wants to be in the future and likewise them for you. If there are clashes, such as the desire to have children, where you might want to one day live, or minimum monetary thresholds expected, it could lead to a lot of pain and heartache later on. It’s best to know in the beginning so that both parties can decide before things get to serious whether the relationship is worth pursuing.

8 – Testing your chemistry. Many times in first blushes of romance, people tend to overlook certain aspects of their chemistry together. If lust is the overriding gauge of chemistry in the beginning, it might be easy to overlook personal chemistry. Similarly the reverse might be true. At any rate, it’s a good idea to stop and analyze all aspects of chemistry before getting too far into the relationship, because otherwise it might become glaringly obvious later on when it will be far more difficult to deal with.

9 – Watching and learning. As your relationship develops, it’s good to sit back and watch this person that you are considering for a serious relationship. Take off the rose colored glasses for a bit and try to see them as someone might that doesn’t know them, or maybe perhaps as someone that has known them a lot longer than you have. See how you feel about the things you notice.

10 – Watching your rituals. Every relationship develops rituals over time. The longer a couple are together, the more that arise. The only problem is, sometimes these rituals are things that one or the other party don’t really like. Therefore it is critical that you nip them in the bud before they get established, otherwise you’ll be streaming up stream for the rest of your time together.

These ten important tips on how to start a relationship off right are for anyone, male or female who thinks they may be in the very beginning stages of a long romance.

If you are in such a position, I hope these tips help. Good luck.

Yesterday we started on part 1 of the 2-part series, How To Know You Like Someone, which is along our theme for this week, Keeping The Found – which basically means making sure that that which you have identified does not escape from your hands. Now today we conclude on that topic by looking at the last 3 steps you can take to clearly ascertain you like somebody.

Just a recap on the points we discussed yesterday;

1.Question your initial motives for choosing to know this person.

2. Consider how you usually feel in this person’s company.

3. Give yourself some space.

Now let us get down to today’s business;

4. Ask yourself if your expectations for the relationship are too high. Sometimes you might question whether you want someone in your life because you constantly butt heads with them. But it might not be that you actually dislike this person. It could simply be that you like them well enough, but that there are habits or personality traits of theirs you find it hard to relate to or handle over any extended period of time, indicating that you’re just not all that close or that when you’re together, it needs to be only in “small doses”. For example, it could be because they’re an introvert while you’re an extrovert. Or, maybe their interests don’t coincide that much with yours but they insist on telling you all about theirs while not returning you the same courtesy of listening about yours. If you’re thinking by this point “yes, that’s exactly it!”, this is likely to be a sign that you’d benefit by spending more time with other people – as well as still some (perhaps less) time with this person – rather than a sign you dislike this person and only spend time with them to avoid being alone.

5. Expose yourself to as many other people as you feel you can. Spending time with other people might give you a better idea of the kinds of people you’d prefer to know. Seeing other people in different contexts might help to give you an idea of whether or not the person you’ve been spending a lot of time with fits into this category, or whether you might have outgrown them.

  • If you’re feeling nervous about spending time with other people (especially if your time has greatly revolved around this one person), trying out this step doesn’t have to mean spending time with family or close friends (though these things do help) only. Just saying a cheerful “hi” or seeking to make small talk with a few acquaintances (whether it be a shop assistant, colleague, or someone you regularly pass in the street) can be a start.
  • If you’ve allowed this person to take over a lot of your life and shut you off from other people, you might like to consider volunteering with people who are feeling lonely, such as senior citizens, or down and out youth. This will help to put your own feelings of loneliness into perspective and will bring into contact with many other people, thinking of their needs rather of your own neediness.
  • If you feel bad about spreading your wings, see this as an altruistic act. Your spending time with a wider range of people can help break the loneliness cycle not just for you, but for the other person; a recent study undertaken by the University of Chicago, the University of California-San Diego and Harvard found that loneliness is contagious and can be passed on to others, meaning that you could transmit your loneliness to this person without even meaning to do so. In increasing your exposure to other people, you may be breaking the cycle of loneliness for both of you.

6. Monitor your ongoing thoughts and emotions. Another approach you can use to test the relationship’s value to you is by making plans to do something with this person and following through with the plans. All the while you are carrying out this plan, monitor your automatic thoughts and emotional reactions. If, prior to and during this time, you find your head is full of negative thoughts such as “This is going to be awful,” or “I wish I had something nicer/more interesting/better to do,” or you experience strong negative emotions such as dread, disgust, boredom, etc., then these are likely warning signs that you don’t truly like being with or appreciate this person as someone who connects with you.

I hope the steps have been beneficial to you.

Stay tuned for other topics this week.

It is a brand new week which means we will be discussing a brand new topic. Sorry because we ought to have discussed this yesterday but due to some factors we are now doing it today. Now, through feedback mechanism, one of us suggested we discuss relationships from scratch and that is exactly what we will be looking into this week. Now to start us off on our theme this week, Keeping The Found – which basically means making sure that that which you have identified does not escape from your hands, is the subject that forms the backbone of every relationship that we are going to discuss in a 2-part series; How To Tell You Like Someone or You Are Just Wasting Time. Am sure almost everybody at one time in their lives has liked someone, or is in the process of liking someone. Now how do you really tell that you are not merely wasting your time and cultivate your feelings for nothing, well here is your chance to add to your database of knowledge about the subject. Below are some steps that you should take to determine whether you are drawing water with a sieve or a solid container;

1.Question your initial motives for choosing to know this person.

At the start, maybe you were genuinely interested in this person’s qualities or had something in common with them when you first met. On the other hand, maybe you felt you should be nice to them just because your other friends liked them, or you were on the rebound from a break-up, or something in the other person’s life made you feel sorry for them. Try to go back to the start of your relationship and think of as many different reasons as you can for why you became involved with them. Doing this will help you to decide how you truly feel towards this person.

2. Consider how you usually feel in this person’s company.

Think about what you personally gain from the experience of spending time with this person. Do you get bored, feel anxious, or uncomfortable? On the other hand, perhaps you often feel happy, cheerful, loving, or warm when spending time with them. Take some time to think through as many different memories as you can to build up a pattern – have you experienced enjoyable times or is it hard to even remember the last time you experienced any positive feelings around them – if ever?

3. Give yourself some space.

This step may be difficult for you if you really dislike being alone but it is important to try. Being apart from the person about whom you’re not sure can give you a clearer perspective on whether or not it’s purely loneliness that motivates you to keep communicating with this person, or whether there are genuinely good reasons for staying connected. Try to remain apart for at least two weeks; this amount of time will help you figure out whether or not you really miss the person in question, or whether you’re just bored when they’re not around. While apart, consider whether:

  • You miss specific things about them. If so, it’s probable that you genuinely care for this person.
  • You find it hard to recall anything in particular that you’re missing, or there is only a vague sense of missing their company. You might even feel a sense of relief that you’re not having to “put up” with certain behaviors and attitudes this person has when you’re together. In this case, it’s possible that you’re only keeping this person in your life to fill a gap.
  • You find yourself making comparisons with ex-friends or ex-dates in your life. Some time apart can sometimes reveal a negative pattern of similar issues, personality traits, and habits arising. In this case, you have probably made the same error again, repeating a relationship that is unlikely to fulfil either of you.
  • Give yourself time for self-reflection and self-discovery. If you don’t know yourself very well, you’re vulnerable to seeking affirmation of your worth in relationships with others and are under the spell of expecting others to “raise you from the ground up”. If you feel that this is what you’ve been doing, allow yourself time to figure out who you are and what you care about so that you can grow to like yourself more. In doing so, you’ll replace feelings of loneliness with liking yourself, creating a strong foundation for healthy relationships with other people.

Make sure you join us tomorrow as we finalize on this topic. Meanwhile apply what you have learnt today and refer other people to the read of this article so that we all grow together and be better persons of the society.

To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; to cultivate our personal life, we must adopt the right attitude towards all that comes our way. I know much has been said about attitude and how it determines your altitude and the way it also determines your character. I know scholars have down on books and articles just to expose this animal attitude and how much it can do to our future and also present. And today i want to add to your library of Attitude and hope that you will either adopt a positive attitude today or you will continue having the positive attitude or you will share this with a friend whom you think needs to change his or her attitude.

Success or failure depends more upon attitude than upon capacity. Successful men act as though they have accomplished or are enjoying something. Soon it becomes a reality. Act, look, feel successful, conduct yourself accordingly, and you will be amazed at the positive results.” -William James

In the movie, A Bronx Tale, the kid, Calogero ‘C’ Anello, makes a statement near the end in which he says, “The saddest thing in life is wasted talent, and the choices that you make will shape your life forever.” The ability to do or be anything you want in life is a lesson sometimes learned much later then early.

Do not fool yourself into believing you have no abilities to achieve great things. There is quite a bit inside each of us, inside of you, that given the right frame of mind can propel you to greater heights. It all happens with a huge positive attitude inside.

Think of the iceberg floating out in the large open sea. The area above the water may appear small with only enough capacity to carry a few seals. Aimlessly it drifts with the ocean currents, ships avoiding contact where possible. But underneath the iceberg is an immense structure of ice that goes mostly undetected.

That huge area underneath is your attitude. It can be a negative one or a positive one. Its your choice on what its going to be. A negative attitude will keep you floating aimlessly, never achieving much of anything in life. A positive attitude will propel your abilities to greatness.

We always tend to under estimate the power of our attitude. It can be the difference between languishing in an unsatisfying job position and having a very fullfilling work life. It can be the difference between being lonely forever after a divorce to finding a new life filled with love and happiness.

It can be the difference in everything.

Now let us finish by looking at very interesting facts here:

If you would assign each alphabet a number respective to its position this is what you would have;

 A for 1

B for 2




Y for 25

Z for 26

Let us look at some parameters that most people think determine success but in the real sense they don’t.

1. Knowledge – if you right the word knowledge and assign the individual letters their numbers this is what you will have.

K = 11
N = 14
O = 15
W = 23
L = 12
E = 5
D = 4
G = 7
E = 5
Total 96 points

2. Hardwork – if you right the word hardwork and assign the individual letters their numbers this is what you will have.

H = 8
A = 1
R = 18
D = 4
W = 23
O = 15
R = 18
K = 11
Total 98 points

Now if we look at the word attitude this is what we get.
A = 1
T = 20
T = 20
I = 9
T = 20
U = 21
D = 4
E = 5
Total 100 points

A Young student approached the famous French scientist and philosopher, Blaise Pascal, and declared, “If I had your brains, I would be a better person.”

Pondering the depth of that statement, Pascal paused momentarily before replying, “Be a better person, and you will have my brains.”

And that young student became on the most famous philosophers of their time. Pascal had helped him change his attitude.

All these writings are mainly to hammer our point today;