Long Distance Relationships: Making Them Work

Posted: March 6, 2012 in Relationships

Following a request by one of the audience, i decided to scribble down some points that may be beneficial in the maintenance of a long distance relationship. If you have any question, please feel free to fill the form in the contacts page. Now here we go;

The key to handling long distance relationships (LDR) is mutual commitment from you and your partner; otherwise it is doomed from the start. A reluctant partner is someone who is not willing to go the distance for the relationship, literally and figuratively. If your LDR partner has expressed uncertainty that they are in it for the long haul, don’t give up on them yet. There are ways of making someone put in real emotional investment in a relationship to truly make it work. Below are five of the most effective methods as revealed by people who are in, or have been through, long distance relationships.

  • Lay your commitment cards on the table early into the relationship. An LDR may start as such, or become a result of circumstances dictating a couple to spend some time being physically apart. At any rate, being open to each other about expectations and the level of commitment plays a big part in effectively handling long distance relationships. It should be done in the first stages of an LDR so little to no guesswork is involved. Laying your cards on the table requires honesty and openness about where you want the relationship to go, and how both partners can maintain it while being geographically distant from each other. If reluctance is expressed early on, make sure options are thoroughly discussed before dismissing the relationship as something that won’t work out.
  • Agree on a schedule when you can be physically together…and stick to it.
    The highlights of an LDR are those times when a couple can be physically together. Make sure to block agreed-on schedules for such and avoid having last-minute reasons for canceling or postponement (unless in the cases of severe weather conditions and extreme emergency situations, of course). Handling long distance relationships means committing to being physically together even if it involves spending for airfare or other modes of transport to be with your loved one for a fraction of time. Face-to-face communication is important because conversing by electronic means cannot fully convey what people really feel. Having your partner understand this and pledge to do this step can serve as a good gauge of their commitment to your union.
  • Make small things count. Handling long distance relationships requires spending some time together. Showing your partner that you care for them means doing small things to make their life more comfortable, less stressful, and always with something exciting to look forward to. Some examples include surprising them with small gifts that they have expressed interest in, or helping them with a project or work that they are having problems with. They may not be huge things or favors, but they will discover in the long run that having you around in their life is much better than going at it alone. Bear in mind that independence is one of the biggest things to work with in handling long distance relationships, so knowing which gaps to fill to make your partner feel cared for but not intruded upon requires a bit of a balancing act. Do things for each other but not to the point of becoming co-dependent.
  • Maintain constant and quality communication.
    The backbone of an LDR is steady communication. Plenty of LDR fights begin when one partner cannot be reached for a certain amount of time, or when things get lost in translation over electronic correspondence. In this regard, handling long distance relationships require both partners to have reliable means of communication on a regular basis. If your partner keeps making excuses about missing arranged times for talks, explain that it makes you feel neglected and not valued. You can glean from their answer (and if they make an effort on quality correspondence afterwards) if they have really made an emotional investment into your relationship.
  • Learn to see the LDR as a stepping stone to being together for real. Seeing your future together as a couple is a true commitment to any relationship. In the case of an LDR, so many factors can affect a couple’s goal of being with each other after a period of physical separation. A partner who starts making long-term plans on their own without consulting the other should send warning bells ringing that something is up. Again, handling long distance relationships means being open and honest to each other about decisions big or small, and not leaving a partner in the dark. Always keep your eyes on a future with both of you being together in all ways, for real.

For most relationships (long distance or not), it is often true that love offers no guarantee and things may not work out the way you expect them to all the time. Handling long distance relationships means having real emotional investment from both partners before they can truly become a real life couple. Work on committing to this first and foremost.

 

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Comments
  1. MrYoungScholar says:

    Reblogged this on mryoungscholar and commented:
    Long Distance Relationships: Making Them Work

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