Keeping The Found: How To Know You Like Someone Part 1

Posted: March 20, 2012 in Relationships

It is a brand new week which means we will be discussing a brand new topic. Sorry because we ought to have discussed this yesterday but due to some factors we are now doing it today. Now, through feedback mechanism, one of us suggested we discuss relationships from scratch and that is exactly what we will be looking into this week. Now to start us off on our theme this week, Keeping The Found – which basically means making sure that that which you have identified does not escape from your hands, is the subject that forms the backbone of every relationship that we are going to discuss in a 2-part series; How To Tell You Like Someone or You Are Just Wasting Time. Am sure almost everybody at one time in their lives has liked someone, or is in the process of liking someone. Now how do you really tell that you are not merely wasting your time and cultivate your feelings for nothing, well here is your chance to add to your database of knowledge about the subject. Below are some steps that you should take to determine whether you are drawing water with a sieve or a solid container;

1.Question your initial motives for choosing to know this person.

At the start, maybe you were genuinely interested in this person’s qualities or had something in common with them when you first met. On the other hand, maybe you felt you should be nice to them just because your other friends liked them, or you were on the rebound from a break-up, or something in the other person’s life made you feel sorry for them. Try to go back to the start of your relationship and think of as many different reasons as you can for why you became involved with them. Doing this will help you to decide how you truly feel towards this person.

2. Consider how you usually feel in this person’s company.

Think about what you personally gain from the experience of spending time with this person. Do you get bored, feel anxious, or uncomfortable? On the other hand, perhaps you often feel happy, cheerful, loving, or warm when spending time with them. Take some time to think through as many different memories as you can to build up a pattern – have you experienced enjoyable times or is it hard to even remember the last time you experienced any positive feelings around them – if ever?

3. Give yourself some space.

This step may be difficult for you if you really dislike being alone but it is important to try. Being apart from the person about whom you’re not sure can give you a clearer perspective on whether or not it’s purely loneliness that motivates you to keep communicating with this person, or whether there are genuinely good reasons for staying connected. Try to remain apart for at least two weeks; this amount of time will help you figure out whether or not you really miss the person in question, or whether you’re just bored when they’re not around. While apart, consider whether:

  • You miss specific things about them. If so, it’s probable that you genuinely care for this person.
  • You find it hard to recall anything in particular that you’re missing, or there is only a vague sense of missing their company. You might even feel a sense of relief that you’re not having to “put up” with certain behaviors and attitudes this person has when you’re together. In this case, it’s possible that you’re only keeping this person in your life to fill a gap.
  • You find yourself making comparisons with ex-friends or ex-dates in your life. Some time apart can sometimes reveal a negative pattern of similar issues, personality traits, and habits arising. In this case, you have probably made the same error again, repeating a relationship that is unlikely to fulfil either of you.
  • Give yourself time for self-reflection and self-discovery. If you don’t know yourself very well, you’re vulnerable to seeking affirmation of your worth in relationships with others and are under the spell of expecting others to “raise you from the ground up”. If you feel that this is what you’ve been doing, allow yourself time to figure out who you are and what you care about so that you can grow to like yourself more. In doing so, you’ll replace feelings of loneliness with liking yourself, creating a strong foundation for healthy relationships with other people.

Make sure you join us tomorrow as we finalize on this topic. Meanwhile apply what you have learnt today and refer other people to the read of this article so that we all grow together and be better persons of the society.

  1. Kinoti Jim says:

    Well well well…..
    am not sure i agree with your analogy of events…
    For instance, why would one have a motive of liking me? when that motive is fulfilled what happens?
    Personal gain, this more like business that relationship/friendship?

    • I dont really get your Question or what you mean, kindly elaborate… But to answer you on the bit of being liked, it natural for one to like another person or be liked for that matter, though there are some exceptions, when one refuses to be likeable.. When the motive is fulfilled then you are satisfied and if you had earlier put down your points the it is the time to apply them

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