Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category

Pornography. There is no word more sinister to those enslaved by its powerful grasp. And addiction to porn rarely manifests itself without masturbation and over time, other sexual deviations. If you’ve promised yourself again and again that you’d stop looking at porn and it’s begun to interfere with your life in negative ways, there’s hope! First let me startle you with some startling statistics about this animal, Porn;

Pornography Time Statistics

  • Every second – $3,075.64 (around Kshs. 250,000) is being spent on pornography.
  • Every second – 28,258 internet users are viewing pornography.
  • Every second – 372 internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines.
  • Every 39 minutes: a new pornographic video is being created in the United States.

Internet Pornography Statistics

  • Pornographic websites 4.2 million (12% of total websites)
  • Pornographic pages 420 million
  • Daily pornographic search engine requests 68 million (25% of total search engine requests)
  • Daily pornographic emails 2.5 billion (8% of total emails)
  • Internet users who view porn 42.7%
  • Received unwanted exposure to sexual material 34%
  • Average daily pornographic emails/user 4.5 per Internet user
  • Monthly Pornographic downloads (Peer-to-peer) 1.5 billion (35% of all downloads)
  • Websites offering illegal child pornography 100,000
  • Sexual solicitations of youth made in chat rooms 89%
  • Youths who received sexual solicitation 1 in 7 (down from 2003 stat of 1 in 3)
  • Worldwide visitors to pornographic web sites 72 million
  • Monthly Internet Pornography Sales $4.9 billion

Source: http://internet-filter-review.toptenreviews.com/internet-pornography-statistics.html

Now it is quite evident that this is a real problem not only among us young people but also across the divide.

Song of Solomon 2:15 says, “Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes.” Foxes sometime in search of food would enter into the grape orchards and devour the grapes and spoil the crop. However, the little foxes were too small to reach the grape bunches so they would chew on the vines and it would kill the whole vine. Instead of the farmer just losing his crop, he would lose his vine which was more disastrous. Spiritually some things we do or allow that we might think are little or insignificant can also be disastrous for us.

One of the most devastating problems that has ensnared many good people is the sin of pornography. Many of these same people will testify that they were ensnared with just a “peek.” This one “little fox” led to their downfall. Many, out of curiosity, just went to a site to see what was there. This is one of the devil’s tricks to get people ensnared. Satan, is the power behind this attraction to forbidden sexual images. People that are trapped today can tell you there is an evil “drawing” that compels them to return again and again. Many are desiring to be free, but seem hopelessly gripped by this evil desire. We want to share the good news — there is a way out through Jesus Christ.

God hates this sin, but He loves the sinner and wants to set them free. Many marriages are being destroyed by this evil, as after the addiction of pornography has set in, then the normal marital relationship with their spouses is no longer satisfying. Many husbands then want their wives to partake in bizarre sexual behavior with them or use sexual toys as stimulants. Some couples even watch erotic videos together to arouse each other before they engage in sex. These abnormal approaches to what God intended to be a wonderful relationship, defiles them. Instead of finding satisfaction… guilt, shame, and dissatisfaction set in. True love and intimate sharing is replaced with raw lust. What God meant to be the most beautiful experience between two people becomes a hellish depravity. God can, and will restore this relationship if they will call on Him. There is absolutely nothing that is outside of God’s ability to forgive, deliver, heal and restore.

How did it all begin;

How did our world arrive at a time in history that has so much emphasis on sexual perversions? This did not happen overnight. It all started when standards began to drop. Movies started to be watched and produced such that each year became a little more dirty, a little more violent, a little more immoral, a little more deviant, a little more crazy and a little more erotic. Now today, there are unspeakable things on film that come directly from hell. They were inspired by the devil himself. These “little foxes” are now raging wolves. Sin and evil are progressive. Several layers of gray have now become black.

How To Be Free From Pornography;

1. First, you must acknowledge the addiction exists. Many who are caught in the trap of addiction will adamantly deny the problem. He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion. – Proverbs 28:13

2. You must recognize that what you are doing is wrong. Addicts find a way to justify their problem in their mind. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. – I John 2:16

3. You must not blame others – “If women/men were not so seductive.” Adam blamed Eve and she blamed the serpent. Instead, you must begin to take responsibility for your actions.

4. Make yourself accountable to a spiritual authority, perhaps a pastor or mature believer. Everybody needs a “safe” person to share their struggles with. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. – James 5:16

5. You must recognize that “will power” is not the answer. At a weak moment, your “will” may fail you. By admitting that you are in need of God’s help, you open access to His supernatural intervention in your life. You must yield your will to God’s will. That’s when He can begin a new work in your life.

6. Study the Word of God concerning sexual purity. Therefore putting aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness, in humility receive the Word implanted, which is able to save your souls. – James 1:21

7. You must destroy any pornography in your possession. You can’t wean yourself off pornography. Think of the hidden pornography in your home as a ticking time bomb that will ultimately destroy your family.

8. You must learn to flee temptation. Self-deception may enter when you think you can play with fire without getting burned. Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not proceed in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not pass by it. Turn away from it and pass on. – Proverbs 4:14 -15

9. Give yourself time to work through the process of recovery. More often than not, God chooses to take us through a learning and growing process, that can be very painful. Victory over addiction should be viewed as a marathon, not a sprint.

10. It’s cliche, but you must approach your addiction one day at a time. Look for little victories and rejoice in the progress you’re making. Recovery is a cinch by the inch, but a trial by the mile.

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The Masturbation Menace Part 2

Posted: February 22, 2012 in Sex

This is the last part on The Masturbation Menace. Hoping it will be as educative as Part 1.

Today we look at;

1.      “Isn’t God unreasonable to demand sexual purity after giving us sexual drives that seem to overwhelm us at times?”

2.      “I agree with all the theory, but living it out on a day to day level is another story.”

3.      “Can I really be set free?”

“Isn’t God unreasonable to demand sexual purity after giving us sexual drives that seem to overwhelm us at times?”

Our loving God never demands from us what is impossible for us to do. We are so weak within ourselves that it may seem impossible, but He will equip us with His holy power to overcome any sin, if we ask in faith.

Of course, sexual urges in and of themselves are not wicked. They are natural. God created us that way. He desires that we get optimum pleasure out of them by using them the way they were created to be used. However, many desires for physical gratification (whether it be food, sex, etc.) stem from a deeper need that is unfilled deep inside us. Gorging our flesh can never fill a hunger that grows out of our spirit. Only intimacy with God can fill the deepest needs inside of us. No other created thing has that power.

God is no more unreasonable than any caring parent who lovingly disciplines their child. It is only because He knows what is best for us. He sees a mighty potential in each one of us that far supersedes our wildest dreams, and He loves us enough to do all He can to bring it to pass.

“I agree with all the theory, but living it out on a day to day level is another story.”

This is the place where we need the empowerment of the Holy Spirit in our everyday lives. The Holy Spirit is not a vague “force,” but the very power of God to comfort you and strengthen you against the sins that used to rule you before you were born again. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we have the very ability that Jesus had to resist temptation. He depended completely upon the Father and so must we.

Something you must know is that God is not the one who is tempting you in this area to “test” you. God is on your side and wants to set you free from these things, not lead you into them! “When tempted, no one should say “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed” (James 1:13-14).

God wants us to overcome every sin and temptation in our lives. Please slowly read the following verses and let their message seep deep inside your spirit.

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).

“For though we live in the world we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:3-5).

“In the same way count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master for you are not under law but under grace” (Romans 6:11-14).

“For we have not a high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:15-16, King James Version).

“Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God” (2 Corinthians 7:1).

“Can I really be set free?”

“In (this) freedom, Christ has made us free—completely liberated us; stand fast then, and do not be hampered and held ensnared and submit again to a yoke of slavery—which you have once put off ” (Galatians 5:1 Amp).

If you are in a real struggle with any form of sexual sin, we do not believe it was by accident that God led you to this teaching. He wants to set you free, starting right now! We would like to share several things that you can do to break loose from this stronghold:

1. Confess this sin first to God, then go to a committed Christian you trust, such as your pastor. Ask God to lead you to someone that you can be accountable with, who will be faithful to pray with you and for you. This will take humility on your part, but it will lead to life. James 5:16 says: “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” (You may not feel “righteous” but if you have admitted your sin to God and received His forgiveness, you are! That means your prayers are powerful and effective!)

2. Flee from and reject anything that aggravates this sin. For example, you may need to get off the Internet for a season or purchase software that blocks out pornography. This may sound too drastic, but it certainly is mild compared to Jesus who said, “If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body, than for your whole body to go into Hell” (Matthew 5:30).  His point was that we must be willing to part with anything that causes us to sin—even if it hurts temporarily.

3. You may need to seek healing and deliverance from qualified Christians who are anointed in this area of ministry. If you have been deeply involved in sexual sins, the devil probably has a stronghold in that area of your life. If you can, find some people who can help you stand against the devil, for he is the one who seeks to lead you into temptation, and whispers lies of hopelessness and shame into your ears. If he drops a filthy thought into your mind just when you are trying to pray (he has used this tactic on even the holiest saints of God), tell him to leave in the name of Jesus! Recognize his voice for what it is, and submit yourself to God. As you do this and resist the devil, he will flee from you! He is deathly afraid of those who are submitted to God in brokenness and humility.

4. Don’t give up! Deliverance might take time. Self-control takes effort. You may slip occasionally—or even a lot. But remember that God loves you and He will be faithful to perfect His character in you as long you keep submitting to Him. Eventually you will win—and not because of your best efforts, but because of God’s mercy (Titus 3:5). Just as salvation is received in faith, so deliverance must be received in faith. This has nothing to do with our character, strength, or failings. The only thing it is dependant upon is you receiving it in humility. If you should fail, recognize it quickly, ask God to forgive you—and then receive His forgiveness! He is faithful to do that which He promised, not just in a select few mighty men and women of God, but in all who are willing to come humbly before Him. That includes you! We want to encourage you to hold on to this scripture as your anchor:

“May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul, and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and He will do it” (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24).

Hope it has been a helpful series.

The Masturbation Menace. Part 1

Posted: February 21, 2012 in Sex

“What does the Bible say about masturbation?” is one of our most frequently asked questions. Many Christians have found it difficult to answer this question according to the Bible, because the Bible never mentions masturbation specifically. To understand how God feels about this subject, we must examine other verses that deal with issues such as lust, self-control and purity. Also, we must examine its fruit to see if it is from God. We have tried to address this issue by answering some of the most frequently asked questions. Our prayer is that God will use this page to bring freedom and deliverance.

In this Part 1 of the 2 part series on The Masturbation Menace we are going to discuss about;

1.      “Does God care about what we do in the privacy of our bedrooms?”

2.      “Isn’t it still better to masturbate than to commit fornication?”

“Does God care about what we do in the privacy of our bedrooms?”

Sex is God’s invention. He is the mastermind behind it—and His creation is worth far more to Him than it is to us. This beautiful expression of love was created out of His own heart, as a gift to be experienced between a husband and wife. It is only in marriage that this manifestation of intimacy can be fully enjoyed in the depth for which it was created.

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4, NIV).

 “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4, KJV).

The more beautiful and unique something is (like sexual intercourse), the more power it holds over our lives, either for good or bad influence. That is why it is so easy for the devil to corrupt the most precious of God’s gifts. When we become more in love with the gifts than the One who endowed them, the things that were designed to bless us begin to destroy us instead. Yes, God cares about what we do with our bodies, in public or in private. He doesn’t want us to abuse ourselves in any way.

In fact, an older definition of masturbation is “self-abuse.” Although more modern dictionaries may no longer carry this definition, they are still linked together under self-abuse:

Self-abuse noun¹

1. Abuse of oneself or one’s abilities.
2. Masturbation.

1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV) further confirms this, saying that unlawful sexual relations defile our own bodies. “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.”

“Isn’t it still better to masturbate than to commit fornication?”

The easy answer to this question would be, “Yes, it is better to masturbate, because at best it corrupts only one person. It certainly is the lesser of two evils.” However, why would a loving, holy, all-powerful God abandon you to a situation in which you have to choose any evil, whether it be “lesser” or “greater?” To really answer this question, we must again go back to God’s original plan for sex.

First of all, masturbation will not truly relieve the sexual pressure that one may feel. It may for a short moment, but in the long run it only creates a deeper desire and capacity for sex, which will lead to more masturbation. If you let yourself become enslaved to a sexual high, you will find that you need to go to increasingly extreme acts to maintain the same degree of excitement. There are even ungodly sex therapists who recommend masturbation as a way of increasing sexual desire, not lessening it. This creates a vicious circle, like the junkie who craves a “fix,” but is only temporarily satisfied. The more he indulges in his dependency, the more ensnared by addiction he becomes. This is the nature of all sin. That is why Jesus declared that all who sin become a slave to sin (John 8:34).

Furthermore, masturbation usually involves fantasy, visualization, and often pornography. The Bible is very clear as to what God expects of us in these areas of fantasy and lust. It teaches that we must not look lustfully at each other nor should we behave in such a manner as to entice others to lust after us.

“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust upon a girl. I know full well that the Almighty God sends calamity on those who do” (Job 31:1-3, The Living Bible).

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).

While the above verses refer to men lusting after women, all women know that it can very easily be reversed to apply to themselves as well. Men may be more easily visually stimulated than women, but women can be just as vulnerable to sexual fantasy in the emotional realm. Both are sin in God’s eyes, and both can be brought into subjection by controlling our thoughts through Christ’s power.

All sexual immorality begins with a thought. A lustful thought not taken captive, will eventually lead to other perversions, because sin reproduces itself in increasingly greater measures. If we do not deal with our evil thoughts, they will take root in our hearts.

It is for this reason that God is so concerned with our thought life. Jesus came not only to deliver us from our “outward” sins, but also from wickedness that begins in the heart.

Since masturbation begins with sin in the mind, it might be called an “affair of the mind” because it brings about sexual sin inflicted against one’s own body. Although it brings a short lived gratification, it makes one feel defiled when continued on a regular basis.  In fact, it is a form of fornication because fornication is more that just sex with someone before marriage, it includes many other sexual sins such as pornography and the use of sexual toys for gratification. People who are not satisfied with God’s plan for sex commit idolatry by using evil things to experience weird and unlawful forms of sexual intercourse.  Some verses in Ezekiel actually describe this kind of fornication.

Ezekiel 16:15-17:
15But you trusted in and relied on your own beauty and were unfaithful to God and played the harlot [in idolatry] because of your renown, and you poured out your fornications upon anyone who passed by [as you worshiped the idols of every nation which prevailed over you] and your beauty was his.

    16And you took some of your garments and made for yourself gaily decorated high places or shrines and played the harlot on them–things which should not come and that which should not take place.

    17You did also take your fair jewels and beautiful vessels of My gold and My silver which I had given you and made for yourself images of men, and you played the harlot with them.

Check Out For Part 2 as we Discuss;

1.      “Isn’t God unreasonable to demand sexual purity after giving us sexual drives that seem to overwhelm us at times?”

2.      “I agree with all the theory, but living it out on a day to day level is another story.”

3.      “Can I really be set free?”

Sex Before/Outside Marriage? Think Twice

Posted: February 20, 2012 in Sex

I know this is one topic that raises dust even at the mention of it. Now with the article below, we hope to answer most of the questions that have been continuously banging in our minds;

10 Reasons Not to Have Sex Outside of Marriage

Reason #1 – God Tells Us Not to Have Sex Outside of Marriage

In the seventh of God’s Ten Commandments, he instructs us not to have sex with anyone other than our spouse. It is clear that God forbids sex outside of marriage. When we obey God, he is pleased. He honors our obedience by blessing us.

Deuteronomy 28:1-3
If you fully obey the LORD your God … [he] will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God … (NIV)

God has a reason for giving us this command. First and foremost, he knows what’s best for us. By obeying him, we trust God to look out for our best interests.

Reason #2 – We Won’t Miss Out on the Blessing of the Wedding Night

There’s something very special about a couple’s first time. In this physical act the two become one flesh. Yet it is more than just physical oneness — a spiritual union takes place. God planned for this exclusive experience of discovery and pleasure to happen only within the intimacy of marriage. If we don’t wait, we miss out on a very special blessing from God.

1 Corinthians 6:16
Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” (The Message)

Reason #3 – We Will Be Spiritually Healthier

If we live as carnal or fleshly Christians, we will seek to gratify the desires of the flesh and live only to please ourselves. If we live this way, the Bible says we cannot please God. We will be miserable under the weight of our sin. As we continue to feed our fleshly desires, our spirit will grow weak and our relationship with God will be destroyed. Complacency with sin leads to worse sin, and eventually, spiritual death.

Romans 8:8,13
Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live … (NIV)

Reason #4 – We Will Be Physically Healthier

This one is a no-brainer. If we refrain from sex outside of marriage, we will be protected from the risk of catching sexually transmitted diseases.

1 Corinthians 6:18
Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. (NLT)

Reason #5 – We Will Be Emotionally Healthier

One reason God tells us to honor marriage and keep the marriage bed pure has to do with baggage. We carry baggage into our sexual relationships. Memories from the past, emotional scars and unwanted mental images can defile our thoughts and make the marriage bed less than pure. Certainly God can forgive the past, but that doesn’t mean we’re free from the baggage that can linger in our minds.

Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (NIV)

Reason #6 – We Will Show Consideration for Our Partner’s Well-Being

If we put our partner’s needs above our own and consider their spiritual well-being, we’ll be compelled to wait for sex. We, like God, will want what’s best for them.

Ephesians 5:2
Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. (NLT)

Philippians 2:3
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; (NASB)

Reason #7 – Waiting is a Test of True Love

Love is patient. That’s about as simple as it gets. We can learn the sincerity of our partner’s love by their willingness, or lack thereof, to wait.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking … (NIV)

Reason #8 – We Will Have No Negative Consequences to Deal With

There are always consequences to sin. Some of those effects can be devastating. An unwanted pregnancy, a decision to have an abortion or place a child for adoption, broken relationships with family and friends — these are just a few of the possible outcomes we face when we choose to have sex outside of marriage. We should be sure to consider the snow ball effect of sin. And what if the relationship does not last? Hebrews 12:1 shows that sin hinders our lives and easily entangles us. We will be much better off if we avoid these negative consequences.

Reason #9 – We Will Keep Our Christian Testimony Intact

We don’t set a very good example of godly living when we disobey God. The Bible says in 1 Timothy 4:12 to “be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.” (NIV)

In Matthew 5:13 Jesus compares his followers to “salt” and “light” when we represent him in the world. When we no longer shine the light of Christ, when we lose our Christian testimony, we lose our “saltiness.” In other words, we become flavorless and bland. We lose our ability to attract the world to Christ. Luke 14:34-35 puts it strongly, saying that salt without saltiness is worthless, not even fit for the manure pile.

Reason #10 – We Won’t Settle For Less Than God’s Perfect Will

When we choose to have sex outside of marriage, we settle for less than God’s perfect will — for ourselves and for our partner. And if we do this, we don’t know what we might end up with. Perhaps we’ll end up in a miserable marriage.

So, here’s some food for thought: If your partner wants sex before marriage, consider this as a warning sign about their spiritual condition. If you are the one who wants sex before marriage, consider this as a warning sign of your own spiritual condition.

christianity.about.com